Did you know that commitment has two sides?
Dedication is the “want to” part of commitment. It reflects our intrinsic desire to devote yourself to something you believe is important or meaningful. When you say, “I am really committed to this job,” you are probably thinking of personal dedication.
You may be dedicated to your work, your children, or your running club. Your dedication comes from valuing the relationship or activity so much that you are willing to deal with the difficulties and challenges that come with it.
Constraint is the “have to” part of commitment. It refers to the restraints that keep you committed, even when you’d rather not be. When you say, “I scheduled to this meeting, so I guess I’d better be there,” you are focusing on the constraint side of commitment.
You do what you must, because there will be negative outcomes if you don’t.
Commitments are particularly strong when both forces are present: You are internally dedicated and externally constrained.
Commitment feels negative, however, when it’s based solely on constraints. Maybe you’re committed to your job, but only because you don’t see another option.
Maybe you are staying in a relationship, but only because you don’t want to divide up your friends after the breakup.
Maybe you continue that exercise routine not because it’s fun or showing results, but because you bought expensive equipment from the Jumia.com
When commitment is based solely on constraints, you’re likely to feel stuck and have that internal sense you are meant for something else.
On the other hand, constraints are quite helpful, and some would say necessary, for long-term commitment, like remaining married.
Commitment is vulnerable when it’s based solely on dedication. While constraints are resistant to change, feelings of dedication can vary by the week, or even by the hour. You may feel deeply devoted to your sweetheart one moment, but be ready to walk out at the next difficult fight.
You may be totally devoted to your new business plan, until the bank rejects your loan request. Commitment based exclusively on dedication can more easily falter during challenging times.
